My carrot does not hear you biting into it…

No. This is not bad news for a #Vegetarian. This is modified news spread only in the hopes of justifying the actions of every #Carnivore. Plants do not have ears (except maybe corn…). Plants do not have feelings…they do not get upset when you stumble home after a night of self indulgence nor do they get all hot and heavy when you step out of a steamy shower (my cactus probably doesn’t even know I exist…the prick). Plants do not have eyes…they cannot see you nor do they care if those jeans make you look…large. Sure…they respond to the rain…so does my iron handrail. They respond to the heat…so does my concrete step. But to suggest they hear themselves being eaten…is like suggesting my attic is asking for a blanket every winter because it creaks from the cold; they’re not feeling or listening or checking you out…don’t flatter yourself. Let me tell you what does hear you coming when it’s slaughter time…a cow. Let me tell you what does shriek when it is time for a hot bath…a lobster. Let me tell you what does squawk when it anticipates its throat getting slit…a chicken. Please…don’t think for one second you are making a vegetarian feel an ounce of guilt by suggesting we are being cruel to an onion or a cabbage. My food wasn’t walking before I shot it in the head to char it over an open pit and raise my fist in triumph over killing a creature to satisfy my tummy.

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